How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Everclear isn't food dammit
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
