you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
