I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
