I bet he comes in French.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
