i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
