so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
