a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
