If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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