I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
