Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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