I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
pray to the hookup gods
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
