he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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