Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize