At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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