Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
