i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
