Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
