his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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