I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
