I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
