He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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