only if we run a train.
done.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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