he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
