My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
