I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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