Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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