Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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