If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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