Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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