Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
