Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
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my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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