Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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