my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
