I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
