I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
