Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
