That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
