Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
