i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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