just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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