It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
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I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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