I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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