I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
