dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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