Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
