i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
