shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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