I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
