It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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