I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize