I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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