Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
