you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
