Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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