spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i need some magic done to my vagina
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
