I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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