Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
