I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
