omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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