he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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