1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
