Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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