i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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