And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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