Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
