i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize