i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The cops high fived after they tackled you
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
