You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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