i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
