So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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