the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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